England’s next World Cup qualifier in Poland on Tuesday will be a very different proposition to this nonsense.
By SHAUN CUSTIS
But Roy Hodgson’s men warmed up with a predictably easy win against the world’s joint-worst team.
There was a double for skipper Wayne Rooney which took him to fifth in the Three Lions’ scoring charts with 31 goals and past Alan Shearer, Tom Finney and Nat Lofthouse.
Another two came from Rooney’s United pal Danny Welbeck and there was a first international goal for Arsenal star Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain.
With big rivals Ukraine only drawing in Moldova, England know a win in Warsaw will give them control of Group H.
Five goals was the minimum expected against this lot, who had in the past conceded 11 against Holland and 13 against Germany.
They only had one shot, which flew wide, stuck everyone behind the ball, got in plenty of blocks, watched numerous chances fly by and were thankful to keeper Aldo Simoncini for some fine saves.
But Simoncini was guilty of a reckless challenge on Theo Walcott that put the Arsenal star out of the game.
Walcott needed lengthy treatment and had to be taken to hospital with a chest injury after only eight minutes.
To say San Marino arrived at Wembley with low expectations was the biggest understatement of all time.
They had never won a competitive game and this was their 109th defeat in 115 internationals.
There were more than 85,000 at Wembley — nearly three times the population of San Marino itself — to witness the slaughter.
Famously, the last time England met San Marino in a World Cup qualifier 19 years ago, it was the minnows who scored first within nine seconds of the kick-off before going on to lose 7-1.
This time around, England survived those first few seconds and, by the third minute, The Ox was testing Simoncini with a 20-yard strike which was tipped over the bar.
Simoncini then came out to floor Walcott and Hodgson was unsurprisingly left fuming.
Walcott was replaced by Spurs’ Aaron Lennon, making his first England appearance since the 2010 World Cup.
Rooney was wide with a header from a Leighton Baines cross as England set up camp in San Marino’s half.
It was 15 minutes before keeper Joe Hart touched the ball to loud applause but the scores were still level. In fact the home support started getting a little restless as the clock ticked round to 25 minutes.
Oxlade-Chamberlain tried to give them something to cheer with a shot that Simoncini spilled — but it was cleared before Welbeck could capitalise.
Rooney went close after Tom Cleverley delivered a gorgeous cross to the far post but the captain’s header was just wide, much to his frustration.
Then England hit the woodwork twice as Michael Carrick rattled the bar with a piledriver before a stumbling Welbeck struck the follow-up against a post.
At last the breakthrough came 10 minutes before the break when Welbeck was felled in the box by Simoncini, who was booked for his troubles.
There was no argument about it being a penalty and no argument about the emphatic finish from the spot by Rooney, high into the net.
The deadlock was broken and it was time to surge through the floodgates.
Goal No 2 came three minutes later when Lennon fed Welbeck, who repeated his backheel trick that won the game against Sweden at the Euros.
The second half followed the same pattern as the early stages of the first half, with England creating plenty but unable to convert.
Carrick’s shot was stopped by Simoncini’s foot after a lovely move, Gary Cahill miskicked a close-range volley and Lennon’s deflected shot was saved too.
Cahill then headed an easy chance well wide before Baines was not far away with one of his trademark free-kicks.
But there was a moment of panic as San Marino’s Ezequiel Danilo broke clear — only for the striker to rush his shot and fire well wide.
On 69 minutes, Rooney got England’s third as sub Jonjo Shelvey fed Baines out wide.
The Everton left-back then headed it back inside, Lennon got a touch and Rooney finished low into the bottom corner.
Like in the first half, another followed quickly with Cleverley feeding United pal Welbeck who finished at the near post for his second of the night.
Off came Roo and on came Andy Carroll, with Hart taking over the armband.
And the scoring was completed in the 77th minute by a lovely chip from Oxlade-Chamberlain, which gave Simoncini no chance.
Impressive stuff from The Ox but all the better if he can do it under pressure in Poland.
